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real film is scripted
Sep. 14th, 2005
12:20 am - tangled up
futures are to die for.
wrestling with you
left my stomach empty.
driving our fun into a wall,
in discussion we are about futures.
i always believed in forever,
in the future i saw something like
possibilities.
i always have believed i'd visuallize myself,
in a future.
now i am clean.
now she is gone.
today you turned a corner with me,
though it is sharp
i sit thinking it is worth the time.
and endless nights I sat contemplating your creation.
no creature of habit.
a new sensation.
now i am clean.
now you are here to wait on.
forever maybe.
futures are to die in.
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hopefulSep. 8th, 2005
02:01 am
1:57
i see no heaven
in time.
ill never feel im there. in paradise.
i believe in evolution.
some of us are more monkey than others,
i miss innocense,
knowledge gives to sadness.
wisdom makes me bored
my imagination is decreasing with time.
i see no heaven,
im slowly going numb
im quickly giving away my innocense.
another early morning
laying out a quilt of our despair.
like a map of decline
caused by existing.
man lives only to die, to rot,
we come to leave.
01:39 am
my life in the furnace
crying
eating
sleeping
crawling
stumbling
walking
even running.
and now
slip________ping,
to oblivion
writing my memories down,
so i don't forget my pace,
give up the heat
as i am touched with frigid matter.
scattering the ashes out the window,
hiding evidence of our activities.
leaving.
ascending.
borrowing your voice,
as you make complete sense.
I'm afraid to tell you we are the same.
so I listen and continue to be surprised
by how much your voice immulates mine.
walking out onto the ice,
clearing snow off in wings,
and in feet.
This hole is an image,
and in i can see my face,
so concrete,
so impolite.
I am far gone,
but the face lingers here.
Can you see me?
Am I up in the atmosphere,
my soul is not clear.
i have no fear,
im not with you
i cannot tell the dirt from ice now,
and tonight ive misplaced myself in venturing.
and here i sit waiting for someone to find me.
but who will see my face to hand me my soul?
Sep. 3rd, 2005
01:15 am
im out of breath with alcohol and dinging for hours. wooooooooooo i met 2 awesome people this week
Sep. 1st, 2005
Aug. 23rd, 2005
01:55 am
i might be the only one who sees it, who fears it, but i know it's the truth and i will put an end to it damnit.
Aug. 22nd, 2005
10:59 pm
i just deleted alot of bullshitters out of my phone, i just don't like wasting time talking to people who dont give a damn, but pretend to. i used to care for them, i dont know what happened.
whenever im upset about something, i either clean, cut my hair, drink, or sometimes like today, delete people out of my phone. I guess its my way of putting the past behind, and letting go, moving on, and it especially helps me to see who the people are that i really care about.
bought alot of stuff for college today and yesterday. i even got some clothes, and the new foo fighters cd.
im really anxious for october to roll around.
graham left yesterday for the navy, he's in huntsville now, and in 2 weeks he'll be going up to chicago. I'm sick of missing people. John. now Graham. And now college is going to make me homesick.
I'm really not in a terrible mood. I got to hang out with Wade tonight, and things are pretty smooth. I should be really grateful. I just miss Graham already.
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discontent